As an LGBT+ person or couple looking to become a parent, you have two main paths: surrogacy and adoption. Both are valid, meaningful ways to build a family. Here's an honest comparison to help you decide.
Timeline
Surrogacy: 13–18 months
From signing with an agency to bringing your baby home, surrogacy typically takes 13–18 months. The process is relatively predictable once you begin.
Adoption: 1–5+ years
Domestic infant adoption wait times vary widely — from 1 to 5+ years. International adoption timelines have lengthened, and many countries restrict adoption by same-sex couples.
Cost
Surrogacy: $100,000–$160,000
Surrogacy is the more expensive option, but costs are spread over 12–18 months and financing options are available.
Adoption: $20,000–$60,000
Domestic infant adoption typically costs $20,000–$50,000 through an agency. Foster-to-adopt can be very low cost. International adoption ranges from $30,000–$60,000+.
Biological connection
Surrogacy: Yes
One or both parents can have a genetic connection to the child. For gay couples, one partner provides sperm. For lesbian couples, one partner can provide eggs.
Adoption: No
There is no biological connection, though this is not important to many families.
Legal certainty
Surrogacy: High
In Texas, a validated gestational agreement gives you legal parentage before birth. Both parents are on the birth certificate from day one.
Adoption: Variable
Domestic adoption involves a consent period where birth parents can change their mind (varies by state). International adoption has its own legal complexities. Some adoption agencies still discriminate against LGBT+ families.
LGBT+ specific considerations
- Surrogacy agencies are increasingly LGBT+ focused — many exist specifically to serve gay and lesbian parents
- Adoption agencies vary widely — some welcome LGBT+ families, others don't (and some states allow faith-based agencies to decline LGBT+ applicants)
- International adoption is largely closed to same-sex couples, as most countries restrict adoption to married heterosexual couples
- Foster-to-adopt is generally open to LGBT+ families and is the most affordable option
Which is right for you?
There's no wrong answer. Many LGBT+ families pursue both at different times. Surrogacy may be the right choice if:
- A biological connection is important to you
- You want a predictable timeline
- You can manage the higher cost
- You want full legal parentage from birth
Adoption may be the right choice if:
- Cost is a primary concern
- You're open to older children or foster care
- A biological connection isn't a priority
- You want to provide a home for a child who needs one
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